Writing is my passion. But I’ve always feared that I’m not good enough. Having lived in Singapore for many years, I rarely use Chinese in my everyday life. When I attempt to write in English, I lack the natural flair of a native speaker. When it comes to Chinese, I feel that I’ve drifted too far from the language’s context for so long that I now lack the depth I desire. No matter how intense my passion was, it faded away in front of fear, an insatiable black hole. The embarrassment has eroded my confidence, as a result of focusing on what I lack. I consequently gave up writing again. My blog became a proof of my inconsistency, and I pretended it never happened.

That is, until recently, when a new friend of mine asked, “You are bilingual and why not leverage that strength?” Initially, I didn’t understand what she meant, until I found out she had read my blog. Interesting, what I perceived was as a weakness, she saw as strength. From this fresh perspective, my ability to seamless switch between languages became as asset.

Taking a deep breath, I revisited my blog after letting it gather dust for 5 years. After letting go of self-judgement, I found myself appreciating my past articles, discovering sharp and interesting viewpoints within them read my past articles, i even liked them – there were some sharp and interesting view points. I was impressed by the intention, courage, and swift action I had exhibited half a decade ago. This level of dedication was something to be seen and appreciated.

I realised I had been too critical of myself. Now, it’s time to accept myself for who I truly am, and change my future trajectory. Without a doubt, I will continue writing.

There are 3 reasons drive me to resume writing.   

Firstly, I write to acknowledge and connect with my strength. As someone who is highly sensitive, naturally curious and opinionated, writing is an instinct for me. Writing is about observing, thinking, and expressing oneself in everyday life, and this is precisely what I have been doing as long as I can remember. I hope to use this strength to connect with my local community and the broader world.  

Secondly, I write as an act of self-expression and creation. We, as human beings, having a basic need to see and be seen. To create is a way to express ourselves to the world. One might say, “Isn’t that what artists do, what has that to do with me?” It really has something to do with everyone. Opportunities to create is everywhere in life—be it cooking, decorating our homes, speaking, or sending a text. Each action is a form of creation, an expression of our internal selves projected to the external world. 

Thirdly, I write to highlight my uniqueness. My idea of not being good enough comes from a perceived deviation from some “standards”. But it’s these differences from the “norm” that make us unique, that enable us to stand out and shine. We contribute to the world, not by copy-pasting others and confirming to the majority, but by showcasing our individuality. Our individualities enrich our families and communities. 

In conclusion, I’d like to reference Leslie Chung, a Chinese pop icon. Despite leaving us 20 years ago, his influence persists. He underwent a personal transformation from initial confusion, conformity to majority aesthetics, to ultimately expressing his multifaceted self. His story illuminates the power of shedding the “standard”, exposing your authentic self, and embracing vulnerability. In doing so, you will also discover unimaginable power and shine brighter than you ever thought possible. The restriction of others’ opinions, even the confines of time and space, cease to limit you —you are yourself, a timeless classic.

Bravely speak up, and bravely be yourself. You don’t need validation from others, for the act itself is the reward. It’s the only thing we truly need to do in life.

我为什么在5年之后重启博客

我一直热爱写作，但内心有很大的恐惧，那就是我写的不够好。在新加坡多年，母语不再是我的日常交流语言。用英文写作，比不上母语的流畅大气。用中文写作，感到离开语言语境太久，没有足够的沉淀。无论多大的热情，在恐惧这个黑洞面前，都消失殆尽。只看到了自己差的部分，羞愧感常腐蚀着我，我再次放弃了写作。博客成了一个半途而废的罪证，而我则假装这件事情从未发生过。

近来，一位新认识的朋友和我说：“你的双语能力很不错，可以发挥这样面的优势。” 一开始的我被说得莫名其妙。后来得知，她看过我的博客。哦？原来我以为是缺陷的不够深的语言能力和功底，换个视角来看，就是双语之间的柔韧有余。

我深呼吸，打开了5年没有碰的博客，曾经试图掩盖的过去又浮出水面。当我放下了对自己的评价之后，再去看曾经写的文章，我甚至感到欣慰，其中不乏有趣犀利的观点。5年前的自己有这样的心意，勇气，和付之于行动的毅力，何尝不值得被看见，被欣赏？

原来，我一直对自己太苛刻。那么，现在就是重新看见自己，并且改写未来的的时候了。继续写，这是个毫无疑问的选择。

我决定要重新写，原因有三。

第一，看见和链接自己的强项。作为一个内心敏感，天生好奇，意见颇多的人，写作几乎和说话一样，是本能。写作的功夫在平常，那就是无时不刻的观察，思考，和表达。这也是我只要睁着眼睛，就在做的事情。以自己的强项作为切入点，去和附近和世界连接。

第二，自我表达和创作。作为人，看见和被看见是人最基本的需要，我们通过看见和被看见来体验自己作为人的价值。而创作就是将我们是谁呈现给世界的过程。你可能会说，那可不是艺术家做的事情吗，跟我有什么关系？还真不是。生活中处处是创作，无论是做饭，还是家居摆设，说话还是发微信，每一个表达，每一个行动都是创作，都是将一部分内在的自己展示出来。

第三，展示自己的独特之处。认为自己不够好，其实根本原因，是觉得自己与“标准”不同所以不好。而与“标准”不同之处正是我们的独特之处，也是我们的闪耀之处。而我们真正对世界有贡献的时候，不是靠复制粘贴获得主流认同，而恰恰是呈现自己的独特之处时候。我们每个个体的独特之处将让我们的家庭和所处的社区更加丰富。

最后，我想以张国荣，这位华人流行文化的巨星来结尾。虽然20年前陨落，他至今仍深深的震撼人心，原因无他，只因为他经历了蜕变：从最初的迷茫，符合大众审美的好看，到突破和真正呈现多面的自己。他的存在让我们看到，当你脱掉大众的“标准”的外衣，你确实会脆弱，因为你将最真实的自己暴露在众人前。但同时，你也拥有无与伦比的力量，光芒万丈，不受任何人的制约，甚至超越了时间和空间的束缚，成为自己，成为永恒的经典。

勇敢的发声吧，勇敢的做自己吧。你无需任何人的认可，因为这行动本身就是嘉奖，也是生命唯一所需要做的事情。